Dear Kimball, Nebraska,

YOU SUCK!!!!

First of all, I don't like you because when I stopped at your one and only convenience store this morning on my way back from Crawford, one of your locals ( I know he was a local because I saw his stupid 71 county license plate) was standing right in front of the Pepsi cups. I politely said excuse me because his crotch was like, inches away from the size of cup I wanted and he said, sure, no problem but didn't freakin' move. Really?? So I grabbed my Pepsi cup and refrained from slamming it into his balls. I should've though. Prick.

And when I was using the bathroom, someone (probably Crotchman's buddy) kept turning the knob. Hello! The sign on the door says if door is locked, the bathroom is occupied. What part of this is so damn hard to understand??

Finally, let's not forget the fiasco in August. So last February I got pulled over on my way through Kimball. I paid the freakin' ticket and forgot about it. Fast forward months later to August. I'm driving in Cheyenne and I get pulled over for speeding. Sidenote--I've never been pulled over as much as I have this past year. Blow. Anyway, so I'm sitting in my car by the cemetery and the cop is taking FOR-FREAKIN'-EVER and when he finally comes back to my car, he's all, well this isn't going to make your day any better. Great. He then explained to me that my driver's license has been suspended. Huh? Jigga what? So he's standin' there flappin' his gums and then I hear February. Nebraska. Speeding. So then I start flappin' my gums telling him what I think must have happened and he's basically like, well that's a great story but I really can't do anything for you. And, by the way, this little driver's license of yours is going into my shirt pocket. Right against these firm pecs of mine--but that's another story. So there I am. Sitting in my car, crying, holding my $575 ticket trying to decide if I should A) have my Mom drive over from Laramie to pick me up, B) call Matt at work to pick me up or C) drive myself and risk being pulled over again and getting arrested or getting in an accident. The answer is B. So he comes and picks me up and I go to the library with him until he gets off work, which gives me time to figure out what the hell is going on. Turns out! Kimball never recorded that I paid the damn ticket. They sent me a letter and emailed me my receipt, but didn't do the other part. So here I am driving with a suspended license for 6 months and not even knowing it! After about 50 phone calls, I finally got everything squared away and Officer Pretty hand-delivered my unsuspended driver's license to me the next morning.

So, Kimball, Nebraska, SCREW YOU VERY MUCH! AND THANKS FOR THE $3 I WON ON MY LOTTERY TICKET THIS MORNING!