Taking Each Day As It Comes

It seems like I tend to have one good day and then the next is bad. Tuesday day was awful. Probably one of the worst I've had. Thankfully, that night I went out with Beth and she really helped me to get things in order. Wednesday was a good day. I accomplished quite a bit and actually felt like things were starting to look up. Wednesday evening though, I discovered that I still had quite a few issues. Wednesday night was awful. I realized that there are certain ways I deal with my stress or my depression. None of which are healthy. I went back to my old habits and once again, couldn't fall asleep. At 2 I finally decided to get up and take a hot shower in hopes that it would relax me and I'd be able to fall asleep. I think I finally fell asleep around 3 or so.
Today wasn't too bad of a day. I woke up late and just kind of messed around and then Stina called and wanted me to meet her and Aiko for lunch at the mall. By the time we ate lunch and looked around, it was nearly 4 by the time I got home. I was so tired and felt so disgusting that I took a nap. I really need to start eating healthier. I don't feel like what I put into my body gives me the energy to complete my day. I don't like that.
So now it's the end of my day. I have a plan for tomorrow. I'm excited for tomorrow. Not because anything exciting is happening, but because I'm looking forward to accomplishing tasks on my little list.

**I hope I'm not jinxing myself or my day.**

A New Start

So this is my first time blogging. I didn't even know what a blog was for quite awhile. Then I ran into dooce.com. I seriously love her blog. She's a terrific writer and I admire her for that.
I decided to start my blog for a number of reasons. First of all, I love writing. I always have. I just haven't done it in awhile. I also think journal writing is very important. I know that it helps me to sort out my feelings and also to look at things from a different perspective. Here's the main reason: I feel like I've been through hell during the past 3 months and am currently working my way back. I want to document this time in my life. I want to be able to look back at this time and remember what I went through and what it took to get back to myself again. Actually, I don't want to be my old self again. I want to be better. I want to be able to look back on this time in my life and see how I've grown and how I've learned and have become a better person.
3 months ago, I was laid off from my job. I know it probably sounds stupid, but when I was laid off, it broke my heart. I had never loved a job so much. I had never loved what I did for a living so much that I could work a 16 hour day and not get tired. It was passion. For the first time in my life I had passion. Looking back over the past 3 months, I didn't realize it at first, but I wasn't dealing with my life. I wasn't dealing with all the crap that would soon explode. It just exploded last week. Everything that I refused to deal with, everything that I kept putting off, hoping it would all just go away, came crashing down on me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to surrender and ask for help, so I kept trying to do what I thought was best. Not a good idea. It sent me into such a deep depression that I physically couldn't get out of bed. I liked the dark more than the light. I felt like my bed was the only safe place to be. As long as I was asleep in my bed, I didn't have to face the world. Somehow, my problems weren't real as long as I was in bed.
Today, I couldn't take anymore. With the help of a couple different special people, I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't ignore things anymore. If I kept doing what I was doing, things weren't going to get any better. In fact, they would just get worse.
I know I have to get out of this funk. I know if I don't, it will destroy me. Literally. I'm scared though. I don't know how to deal with the problems that I've been ignoring for years. It's terrifying, really. I have a plan though. A schedule. I started it tonight and will continue with it tomorrow. It sure seems much easier to continue on as I was, but I know doing that won't make me the person that I want to become, the person I know I can be.