A New Start

So this is my first time blogging. I didn't even know what a blog was for quite awhile. Then I ran into dooce.com. I seriously love her blog. She's a terrific writer and I admire her for that.
I decided to start my blog for a number of reasons. First of all, I love writing. I always have. I just haven't done it in awhile. I also think journal writing is very important. I know that it helps me to sort out my feelings and also to look at things from a different perspective. Here's the main reason: I feel like I've been through hell during the past 3 months and am currently working my way back. I want to document this time in my life. I want to be able to look back at this time and remember what I went through and what it took to get back to myself again. Actually, I don't want to be my old self again. I want to be better. I want to be able to look back on this time in my life and see how I've grown and how I've learned and have become a better person.
3 months ago, I was laid off from my job. I know it probably sounds stupid, but when I was laid off, it broke my heart. I had never loved a job so much. I had never loved what I did for a living so much that I could work a 16 hour day and not get tired. It was passion. For the first time in my life I had passion. Looking back over the past 3 months, I didn't realize it at first, but I wasn't dealing with my life. I wasn't dealing with all the crap that would soon explode. It just exploded last week. Everything that I refused to deal with, everything that I kept putting off, hoping it would all just go away, came crashing down on me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to surrender and ask for help, so I kept trying to do what I thought was best. Not a good idea. It sent me into such a deep depression that I physically couldn't get out of bed. I liked the dark more than the light. I felt like my bed was the only safe place to be. As long as I was asleep in my bed, I didn't have to face the world. Somehow, my problems weren't real as long as I was in bed.
Today, I couldn't take anymore. With the help of a couple different special people, I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't ignore things anymore. If I kept doing what I was doing, things weren't going to get any better. In fact, they would just get worse.
I know I have to get out of this funk. I know if I don't, it will destroy me. Literally. I'm scared though. I don't know how to deal with the problems that I've been ignoring for years. It's terrifying, really. I have a plan though. A schedule. I started it tonight and will continue with it tomorrow. It sure seems much easier to continue on as I was, but I know doing that won't make me the person that I want to become, the person I know I can be.